Who doesn’t love telling stupid jokes? There is something addictive about knowing you have an expansive repertoire of nonsensical jokes. But what are the best bad jokes? Well, you’re in luck. This article will present you with the ultimate list of stupid jokes to keep you splitting sides for years to come.
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It doesn’t matter if your jokes are silly, childish, daddish, controversial, or flirting the line with offensive humor. Stupid jokes always have a place in your comedic arsenal.
While standing up to tell ‘brainless’ jokes may not necessarily be considered the height of comedy, you only need to look back through the annals of stand-up history to see that mindless humor is not just easy, but it’s downright hilarious.
Understanding the Delicate Art of Telling Stupid Jokes
The main aim of telling jokes is to make people smile. If you do it well, they might even laugh. Do it well enough and long enough there will probably be a Netflix series in your future. But nowhere does it say that comedy needs to be intelligent or thought-provoking.
Yes, there is a time for deep humor and intelligent humor. But most of the time, people want to tell a simple joke to get a laugh, while the audience wants to hear a simple joke so that they can laugh.
They say that laughter is the best medicine, and that’s not because it’s easier to swallow than a pill or because the convulsions in your body make it easier to fit in a suppository. It’s because laughter helps you destress. It enables you to forget about your problems and worries. It’s not even about the jokes themselves.
It’s about getting that reaction from the crowd, and nothing does it quite as well as a simple stupid but funny joke.
Related Reading: Funny Things to Ask to Troll Alexa
The Ultimate Silly Dad Joke Collection
There is no better way to get a quick (and cheap) laugh than with a few stupid dad jokes. The best part is, you don’t even need children to be allowed to tell them.
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Stupid dad jokes have a special place in the hearts of amateur comedians worldwide. This is because they are easy to tell, have the ultimate level of cheese, and are often inoffensive.
However, there are enough dirty dad jokes out there for those interested in them.
So, without any more delay, fasten your seatbelts and secure your funny bones because we’re entering the world of stupid dad jokes.
Warning – these jokes are funny because they are just oh so bad!
- Air used to be free at the gas station. Now it’s $1.50. Do you know why?
- Inflation
- Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover?
- Cause you shouldn’t press your luck.
- I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
- When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
- Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
- A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future.
- The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?”
- The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.”
- What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face?
- Too close for comfort food!
- What concert costs just 45 cents?
- 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
- How do you make an octopus laugh?
- You give him ten tickles.
- What should you give a sick lemon?
- Lemon aid!
Editor’s Note: Depending on where you live, you can substitute the sick lemon with other fruits such as orange or apple.
- My wife found out I was cheating on her
How did that happen?
She found all the letters I was hiding.
So what happened?- She got really mad and said she would never play scrabble with me again.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth?
- A gummy bear
- The other day I got into an accident with a garbage truck.
- It was such a waste of time.
- What’s blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket, and holds water?
A blue bucket.
What’s red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket, and holds water?- A blue bucket painted red.
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
- “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
- Because he was outstanding in his field!
- What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
- Lost
- What does a house wear?
- A dress!
- Can February march?
- No, but April may!
- What do you call stolen cheese?
- Nacho cheese!
- Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
- Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
- Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road?
- To go with the traffic jam!
- What do you call a fake noodle?
- An im-pasta
- Why is Peter Pan always flying?
- He neverlands!
- Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine?
- He wanted his quarter back.
- What did one ocean say to the other?
- Nothing, it just waved.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own?
- It was two tired!
- Why don’t sprinters eat before a race?
- Because they fast!
- Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?
- He was stuffed.
- What has four wheels, no wings, and flies?
- A rubbish truck!
Stupid Knock Knock Jokes that Kids Will Love
Dads may be good at telling funny jokes, but they are not the only comedians out there. Random visitors are also a great source of humor. Their constant knock-knocking antics have been entertaining people since the 1940s and show no sign of loosening their grip on the funny bones of kids the world over.
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Much like the stupid dad jokes we put together above, silly knock knock jokes are another branch of humor that is, more often than not, innocent in their nature. They tend to stay away from issues of race or politics, not needing to touch on such a taboo subject to get a laugh.
So, please turn off your doorbells; we’re going back to basics with some of the worst (but best) stupid knock knock jokes around.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Olive.
- Olive who?
- Olive you and I don’t care who knows it!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Cantaloupe!
- …Cantaloupe who?
- Cantaloupe to Vegas, our parents would get mad.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Cash.
- Cash who?
- No thanks, but I’d love some peanuts!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Figs!
- Figs who?
- Figs the doorbell, it’s broken!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Déja.
- Déja who?
- Knock knock!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Owls say.
- Owls say who?
- Yes, they do.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Rhino!
- Rhino who?
- Rhino every knock knock joke there is!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Dishes.
- Dishes who?
- Dishes a nice place you got here.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Jess.
- Jess who?
- Jess cut the talking and open the door!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- FBI.
- FB–?
- –We’re asking the questions here!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Noah.
- Noah who?
- Noah good place we can go get lunch?
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Woo.
- Woo who?
- Don’t get so excited; it’s just a joke.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Armageddon.
- Armageddon who?
- Armageddon a little bored out here, open the door already!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Cows go.
- Cow’s go who?
- No, silly. Cows go “moo!”
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- A little boy.
- A little boy who?
- A little boy who can’t reach the doorbell.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Kanga.
- Kanga who?
- Actually, it’s kangaroo!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Ears.
- Ears who?
- Ears another knock knock joke for you!
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting doctor.
- Inter–
- You’ve got a broken leg.
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Me.
- Me who?
- Having an identity crisis, are you?
- Knock, knock.
- Who’s there?
- Mike Snifferpippets.
- Mike Snifferpippets, who?
- Oh, come on, how many Mike Snifferpippets do you know?
Existential Angst Busting Stupid Jokes for Teens
Ugh, teenagers! Glad I never was one.
Teens are (often) miserable, morose, angst-filled mini-adults trying to find their place in the world. If you can crack their hardened cocoon and make them smile, then you deserve a medal. If you can make them laugh, then you deserve an award.
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Luckily, we have your back. The upcoming collection of stupid jokes are perfectly weighted to get your teens laughing their existential dread away. Deep down, even the surliest of teenagers will appreciate a good joke. The question is, just how bad do you need to make them before letting their joy show through? We’ve got the answer for you. It’s pretty bad, the jokes you need to tell are awful … awfully funny, that is!
Read Also: 120 Questions to Ask a Girl You Like
So, before they get a chance to storm off up to their room, let’s look at the best stupid jokes for teens.
- Why did the man fall down the well?
- Because he couldn’t see that well.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
- A little horse.
- If you have 13 apples in one hand and ten oranges in the other, what do you have?
- Big hands.
- What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
- Ouch!
- What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
- An envelope
- What do you call a pig that does karate?
- A pork chop.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
- A stick.
- Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
- Because they can’t even!
- Weddings are always so emotional.
- Even the cake is always in tiers.
- What did the middle schooler say to the high schooler?
- Nothing, they texted.
- What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
- I don’t know, and I don’t care.
- Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
- He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
- Because they’re extinct.
- How do you drown a hipster?
- In the mainstream.
- What is red, orange, and full of disappointment?
- High school pizza.
- A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for 30 minutes and hung up.
Dad: “Wow, that was short! Usually, you talk for two hours. What happened?”- Daughter: “Nothing. I dialed the wrong number.”
- A teenager at a funeral asks the priest for the WiFi password.
The priest is shocked and asks the boy, “Have you no respect for the dead?”- The boy hears the priests and responds, “Is that uppercase or lowercase?”
- Student: Teacher!
Teacher: Yes?
Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.- Student: I didn’t do my homework.
- What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
- Guardians of the Galaxy.
- What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
- Finding half a worm in your apple.
- What is 47 + 11 + 82 + 161 + 99 + 5?
- A headache.
- I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
- Then it hit me.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
- Because it has a silent pee.
- Do you know where the word “studying” came from?
- Students-dying
Really Stupid Jokes for Use in Emergency Tough Crowd Situations
We all have our standard set of jokes in our heads. The go-to classics that you break out when meeting new people or find yourself in situations where jokes are needed. However, there are times when you might find yourself in a tough room.
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You might have already told a couple of stupid jokes and gotten no reaction. But, on the other hand, maybe you could read to the room ahead of time and just knew it was going to take something special to get a reaction. That’s where we have you covered.
The next batch of jokes is so bad, it’s awesome.
In case of emergency, break glass and use these stupid jokes to get some guaranteed laughs.
- If towels could tell jokes…
- I think they’d have a very dry sense of humor.
- I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.
Why?- Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
- What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
- Depresso.
- Not to brag, but I made six figures last year.
- …I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
- Why couldn’t the green pepper practice archery?
- Because it didn’t habanero.
- My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.
- They’re his watch dogs!
- The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.
- Only a fraction of people will understand this!
- A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks her, “First offender?”- She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
- Some people can’t distinguish between etymology and entomology.
- They bug me in ways I can’t put into words.
- A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
- The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- I’m reading a horror story in braille.
- Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
- Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday.
- The rest are weekdays.
- I taught my hen to count her own eggs.
- She’s a real mathamachicken!
- What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
- Oops!
- Why did the tomato blush?
- Because it saw the salad dressing!
- A scientist sat beside a little girl on a plane. He wanted to start a conversation.
He said: “I hear flights shorten if you talk with other passengers.”
The little girl replied, “OK, what do you want to talk about?”
The scientist was being a bit sarcastic “why don’t we talk about nuclear physics?”
The girl said, “Can I ask you something first? A goat, a cow, and a horse all eat grass, yet a goat poos small balls, a cow poos flat paddies, and a horse poos plum size droppings. Why is that?”
The scientist replies, “I have no idea!”- To which the girl replied, “And you want to talk about nuclear physics? You don’t know shit!”
- One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill.
- They were Goodyears!
- A Vicks VapoRub truck overturned on the highway this morning.
- Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
- I’ve been bored recently, so I’ve decided to take up fencing.
- The neighbors said they would call the police unless I put it back.
- I don’t really call for funerals that start before noon.
- I just never have been a mourning person!
- Who gets a communist joke?
- Ideally Everybody.
- Why do bees always have sticky hair?
- Because they use honey combs
Ultimate Collection of Long Dumb Jokes Guaranteed to Get a Reaction
Short jokes are great. They are quick and punch and get a laugh. However, sometimes, the situation will call for more of a narrative. A joke that is longer and more story-driven. The following collection of dumb jokes is longer than anything we’ve listed so far.
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They may take a little longer to learn and commit to memory, but hot damn if they are not funny, and guaranteed to get a reaction.
It should be noted that many of these are more adult in nature, so if you’re under 18, consider stopping scrolling. These stupid long jokes have a time and a place. It’s more specific than the other jokes in this article, and it might take a bit of time to learn when you can break them out. However, once you get that down, you will have them rolling around in stitches, guaranteed!
- A little old lady was standing on the deck of a cruise ship. She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn’t blow away.
A gentleman approached the lady and said …
“Ma’am, I am sorry to bother you, but the wind is blowing your dress up.”
The lady replied, “Sir, if I take my hands off of my hat, it will blow away.”
“I understand,.. ma’am, but you aren’t wearing any panties,” replied the gentleman.- The lady looked down, then back up at the gentleman and said, “Sir, anything you see down that is 60 years old. I bought this hat yesterday.”
- The future son-in-law asks his future father in law.
He replies, “Well, son, I took my new wife to the Grand Canyon for our honeymoon. We rented mules to go down into the canyon. About a ¼ mile in the mule, my betrothed was on stepped into a hole on the trail and almost threw her. She whispered into its ear, “that’s one.”
“About a ½ mile down the trail, the mule stepped on a rock and again almost threw her. She whispered into its ear, “that’s two””
“About ¾ mile in the mule tripper over a branch in the trail, and my bride was thrown to the ground. She got up, picked up the branch, and beat that poor mule to death.”
“In horror, I looked at her and said, “sweetheart, what the hell did you do that for?!”
She just looked at me and quietly said, “that’s one!”- That was our last argument. Been happy ever since.
- A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband coming home.
“Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him, and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Finally, around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen, and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.- “Here,” he said to the ‘statue,’ “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths’ for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”
- One day, a man is at work when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal. It’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.- His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”
- His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
- A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.
For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. Then the driver said, “Look, mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!”
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”- The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”
Stupid Jokes are Good for the Soul
Laughter is good for us. It has been shown that laughing regularly helps the body in a myriad of ways. It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. On top of that, it burns calories.
So…
While it might not be an official accreditation, you could argue that learning these stupid jokes by heart essentially makes you a doctor.
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Final Thoughts on the Best Stupid Jokes
There are jokes, there are funny jokes, and then there are dumb jokes. Unfortunately, the further you get through the list, the worse they get. The eye rolls get heavier, and the groans get louder. However, at the same time, the laughs get harder and longer.
The trick to being a really funny man is knowing your audience and nailing your timing. Once you get that down, there are no limits to the laughs you can get.
Do you have much joke-telling experience? Are any of our jokes already part of your act, or maybe they will be soon. Perhaps we’ve missed some funny jokes that are so bad they need to be added in. Let us know in the comments. We always love to hear from you.
