The dream of any inventor is to try to improve the world, and make enough money that they never have to do anything other than drink Pina Coladas for the rest of their days. During the creative process, there’s many bad ideas that get discarded, and many wonderful notions that are poorly executed. There’s also some that fall into a middle category: Ideas that are amazing, but don’t find a place. These often are given a green light and can find a niche in the market where they flourish. Just as often, they may never find a home and become orphaned inventions that few use, few remember, and many scorn.
Forever living as denizens of the Land of Broken Toys, we have chosen to celebrate these odd creations and the brilliant souls behind them. Without this type of ingenuity, we wouldn’t have the wheel, mathematics, beer hats, or packing peanuts. If you’re tired of the next hot thing, it’s time to go off the beaten path and give a moment to 15 weird inventions that could save your life, but almost surely won’t.
Ben & Jerry’s Euphori-Lock
Roommate Defender: Suggested by a Chunky Monkey fan who asked the ice cream giant to begin selling their delicious concoctions in steel containers with padlocks, the Euphori-Lock is a plastic collar that will deter voracious husbands or greedy roommates. As long as they don’t learn to cut the carton from the side.
Purchase: $26
Baby Mop
Kids Today: Babies are lazy and messy. They do nothing but lay around all day, or scuttle around the floor like weasels, knocking over your favorite beer. With the Baby Mop, you can finally put them to work, soaking up spills and cleaning dust bunnies wherever they happen to roam. It’s not child labor if they don’t know they’re working.
Purchase: $39
iPad Commode Caddy
Dear John: It’s the disgusting truth: Many of us find time on the toilet to be useful for doing work, playing games, or accomplishing a little light reading on our e-devices. With the Commode Caddy, you’ll never again strain your wrists holding a bulky tablet. You will, however, appall some of your guests, though others will praise your ingenuity.
Purchase: $70
Breo iSee Eye Massagers
See Relief: Stress takes a toll on our bodies in a thousand ways, in a thousand places. One is the muscles of our face and our over-strained eyes. Somewhere between genius and late-night informercials is the iSee. It uses heat, pressure, and air to relax your face and help reduce signs of stress and bags around our soul’s windows.
Purchase: $45-$150
Flyte Levitating Light Bulb
Fire, Fly: Hidden magnets inside of a tasteful wooden base are the secret behind the first fully wireless bulb. Using energy transmitted through the air, these floating lights are illuminating conversation pieces that add class and mystique to any home or office.
Purchase: $349
GPS SmartSole
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On Track: There’s a thousand GPS tracking systems out there, but this one ensures that children or those suffering from advanced mental degradation can be found even if they’ve forgotten everything else. The SmartSole disappears into their shoes, so as long as they have them, they can be found and brought back safely.
Purchase: $355+Subscription
Hydro Hammock
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Water Bag: Waterbeds went out of style in the 80’s, but we say a hot tub hammock is forever. Better for the colder months or people who need a soak while they snow camp, this is a personalized hot tub wherever it hangs.
Purchase: $360-$1,580
Duffy London Swing Table
Dangling Delight: The problem with most tables is that they are affixed to the ground. Duffy thinks it’s time to thumb your nose at Isaac Newton and his apple with a table and chair set that is free-standing and free swinging. Once you try it, you’ll never go back to stationary again.
Freightliner Inspiration Truck
Lonesome Road: Only in the prototype phase now, the Inspiration Truck is a long-haul freight carrier that is fully autonomous. Like the quaint little self-driving Google cars on severe steroids, this requires no driver to ensure deliveries are made on time. Already tested on the Hoover Dam and backed by 70-years of truck-design experience, this could be the future of big rigs.
Mint Breathometer
Cleanliness Detector: Anyone who has suffered with the heartbreak of gingivitis or wishes to know precisely how clean their mouth is will crave Mint. Through analyzing your breathing it can tell you how hydrated you are, how healthy your mouth is, and aid in monitoring periodontal disease for early detection of dangerous bacteria that could cost you in dental bills down the line.
MX3D Bridge Printers
Built to Last: Using robotic arms with 6-axis movement, MX3D has successfully engineered several small bridges, but are currently working on making a full bridge right in the center of Amsterdam. This level of 3-D printing has yet to be attempted, but if successful could launch a revolution in bringing people together.
Innovzen O2Chair
Iron Lung Aid: Breathing is something we all do, yet don’t often think about. While we’re not sure why anyone would need to spend thousands on a seat that helps enhance your breathing ability and oxygen absorption, that’s exactly what the O2Chair is there to do. Touted as health enhancement, it may also facilitate calm and meditation in our busy world.
Bond Handwriting Robot
Thank You Notes: This is an invention that has become a service. Using 3-D printing concepts to new effect, Bond is able to replicate your handwriting from a sample and churn out as many “hand-written” notes as you want to order. Ideal for adding a personal touch to wedding invitations or to give thanks to family and friends, it’s your scrawl, duplicated.
Riken Robear
Care Bear: Though the disconcerting bear face might haunt your dreams, the Robear helps fulfill a very real need. It’s a full service caretaker for those with disabilities or mobility problems due to age or illness. At a little over 300 lbs. it provides autonomy to those who would otherwise be trapped relying on others.
Shuttle Bike Kit
Wave Rider: Inside the simple backpack comes everything you need to transform a mountain bike into a fully aquatic vehicle. By latching your steel steed to the Shuttle Bike components, you’ll be able to ride along the waves, using all the gears built into your cycle.
